December 2010
13 posts
Films I Loved This Year
With Giant Killer Squid - my film and comics review blog - running without my presence at the moment, there won’t be a typical 10 Best Films of 2010 post hitting the front page before the ball drops at midnight tomorrow. That being said, you can take the man out of the squid, but you can’t take the squid out of the man, so I’ve decided to post a little blog here, highlighting my...
“Saying a movie sucks but the effects are great is like saying a wine tastes like...”
– Scott Weinberg, Cinematical (@scottEweinberg)
“I think if you don’t really like a girl, you shouldn’t horse around...”
The Worst Movie Screening Of My Life
I rarely go to movies opening night. I may go to a Thursday midnight showing if the crowd is right, or, if I absolutely can’t wait until Sunday or see it in advance, then and only then, will I break my rule.
I like a packed theatre. Ever since I saw Star Wars re-released on one screen in north east Calgary, I’ve been in love with the thought of a room full of hundreds of people, silent and lost,...
How to See a Movie: A Definitive Guide
Originally written for Giant Killer Squid, August 2008.
Its a shame that it has come to this, a grown man telling other grown men and women how to behave in a specific public setting. But alas, I don’t write this guide out of desire, I write it out of necessity. This needs to be written, and more importantly, needs to be read and learned.
I am, of course, referring to modern movie theater...
Pretty Woman: The True Story
Originally written for Giant Killer Squid, August 2008.
Ahh 1990. You were this strange crossbreed of neon orange, checkerboard-patterns, mom-jeans and pompadours. You were the 80’s but washed out and distilled. You were dirty, and lord were you only going to get dirtier over the next few years. What better way to kick off this new decade, than with the dirtiest film imaginable… Pretty Woman.
I...
How to Style a Pompadour
Back in February of ‘09 I wrote this article on how to style your hair into a pompadour, a hairstyle I had worn on and off for a couple of years. Since then, the article is one of the definitive pompadour how-to’s on the internet, is one of Force’s of Geek’s most-viewed articles, and if you type ‘pompadour’ into Google, you might see a familiar face.
Check...
My Fictional Weekend With Hall & Oates, Part I
I’ve kept this in for three long years, but it was only a matter of time before the truth came out. If it weren’t from me, perhaps from someone less committed to secrecy, or a lost soul unable to cope with the mad and macabre they were put through during God knows how long. You see, three years ago I received an invite to follow Daryl Hall and John Oates while they toured North America...
My Fictional Weekend With Hall & Oates, Part II
Day Two - Saturday
8:03 am
I’ve been up for twenty minutes. I fell asleep on the loveseat next to the ice machine in the hallway. I woke up to Thurgood deep kissing an elderly woman from the maid service staff. He was staring at me. He gave me a Ruby Red Mountain Dew. I’ve been thinking about what happened a few hours ago, with Oates in the room. I’m going to go into this with...
JAWS: How I Learned to Fear Everything
Originally written for Forces of Geek, June 2009.
There’s a lot of things I probably won’t do.
I probably won’t jump out of an airplane, 13,000 feet above the ground. That can kill you.
I probably won’t climb a mountain. That can kill you.
I probably won’t play Russian roulette. That can kill you.
Hell, I probably won’t ride a motorcycle. That can kill you,...
Interview with IG-88: Assassin Droid
Originally written for Forces of Geek, September 2009.
I’m not quite sure how the stars aligned for me, but I recently had the opportunity to sit down with IG-88, the assassin droid long thought dead as a result of the destruction of the Death Star II during the battle of Endor. But he’s not dead folks, not by a long-shot, and he graciously let me in on his life as it has been and how...
About This Narwhal Situation...
Originally written for Forces of Geek, November 2009.
Now, I’m a smart guy. I’m not meaning to sound braggadocios at all, but I could be the most culturally-aware cat that I know. If you were to gather the top 30 people with their fingers on the pulse of society and toss ‘em in a schoolroom scenario, I’d be in the top 2 percentile. Part of it is a natural ability, like a...
I, Asshole
I know what you’re thinking, another website?
Yes, it’s true, I am spread thin at the moment, but it’s been on my mind to consolidate some of my writing for quite a while now. With social medias exploding in recent years, and websites gaining legitimacy and exposure, I found my articles peppered throughout the internet, and entirely inaccessible from one place. Hence, this...